Tiger Woods seeks golf caddie with inspiration, enthusiasm, breasts
Tiger Woods: Caddie hunter
Tiger Woods’ closest pals have expressed concern about the mental state of the golfer after he launched his search for a new caddie with a full page ad in Playboy.
The former world number one parted company with long term caddie Steve Williams yesterday stating “I think it’s time for a change” amid reports his infamous libido issues may have returned.
“I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie,” Woods told reporters, “His is an outstanding caddie and friend and I wish him great success in the future, but it’s now time for some new blood.”
Williams’ however told reporters he is unhappy with the decision and claimed he was being dumped to make way for a so-called “eye candy caddie,” a claim vigorously denied by Woods.
Woods said: “I don’t care who caddies for me. They can be black, white, Chinese, oiled up and displaying large tanned breasts, I don’t care. It’s what they bring to the role that matters most.
“We need to break away from tradition,” he continued. “Yes caddies can offer their opinion on distances to the pin and club selection, but why should it stop there? What about back rubs, head massages and, hey, since when was a tender caress out of the question?”
When pressed on why he had only advertised his caddie vacancy in an international soft porn magazine, Woods was clear on the issue.
“To succeed in golf these days you’ve got to think out of the box,” he said. “You spend all day with a caddie, so they should look good. Women have a unique perspective on the game, and if they’re smoking hot, then I consider that a bonus, not a hindrance.”
Woods expressed dismay at suggestions by some of his closest pals that the move towards an attractive female caddie with experience in the pornographic modelling industry was undertaken only to satisfy the lust which wrecked his marriage and almost destroyed his golfing career.
“Those issues have been addressed and dealt with,” he said. “This is not a sex issue, it is a performance and business issue. The sooner people realise that, the better.”
Woods closed the press conference by revealing a new Nike sports range, approved by Woods, which will be worn by his new caddie, whoever he or she may be.
The see-through boob tube with matching thong and nipple tassels will retail for £42.99.