Chelsea striker Fernando Torres discovers his new home is built on ancient clown burial ground
Builders digging a new pool for Fernando Torres have uncovered a 500-year-old clown burial ground, sparking fears the Chelsea striker has been cursed by dead circus entertainers.
“This could explain Fernando’s calamitous Chelsea career so far,” said Stamford Bridge boss Andre Villas-Boas. “Short of falling face first into a custard pie, Fernando’s performances have all the hallmarks of a clown in football boots.”
Workmen excavating land at the £50million striker’s London house unearthed a tomb containing the petrified remains of cadavers sporting red noses and oversized footwear.
Archeologist Daniel Pemberton told reporters yesterday that by disturbing an ancient clown tomb the striker may have become the victim of a clown curse.
“This has all the hallmarks of a clown curse,” said Prof Pemberton. “It’s like a mild form of a mummy’s curse. Victims aren’t cursed to die, but cursed to live a life of unending farce and calamity.”
Torres who has barely been able to score a goal this season, while missing sitters and getting himself comically sent off against Swansea on Saturday has been swift to play down the clown curse stories.
The striker told reporters after the game that the story was “absolute rubbish” before slipping on a banana skin over and over and over again, then getting his head stuck in a bucket.