The Auld Firm

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The Auld Firm

Postby 27 » Sat Jul 30, 2011 8:07 pm

Break-away Celtic and Rangers to play each other 38 times


Celtic will play Rangers every week next season, if plans to form a league of two are agreed by the Scottish FA.

The breakaway league will create a competitive topflight and new second tier, according to supporters of the scheme.

Currently the Old Firm sides play only four meaningful fixtures a season – when they face each other.

The Scottish title race is usually decided by October and rarely spills over beyond the Christmas break.

The news is likely to be welcomed by Old Firm fans who have to trudge to Eastern Bloc-style stadia to see win after win on the road.

Average attendances in the new Serie Aye division will top 55,000 as fans to and fro between Celtic Park and Ibrox.

But TV audiences could make the league one of the most watched competitions in club football.

“We’ve got big plans for Serie Aye,” said a spokesman for BSKyB, who are the new league’s preferred broadcast partner.

“We’re hoping to shift fixtures to a Saturday evening so we can package the clashes with big time boxing on pay per view.

“The Klitschko’s, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao have nothing on this lot.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: The Auld Firm

Postby 27 » Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:43 am

Scottish Tories may ‘break away’ to ban Dutch referees

Conservative MSP Murdo Fraser has announced he will try to ‘break away’ from the UK party if he wins the leadership election next month – in order to stiffen immigration control on football referees from the Netherlands.

He claims the party carries too much baggage and needs a new centre-right position to attract voters who want to see Dutch officials barred from the country forever.

Mr Fraser explained, “The only way we can possibly get people in Scotland to vote Conservative is to create a progressive party which preserves the identity of honest Scottish football.”

“Right now I think this will be attractive to a lot of people in Scotland who believe that any Dutch referee really doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“David Cameron is aware of the idea, and a number of senior Conservatives in Westminster seem more than happy to get rid of us.”

Scottish Tories to avoid going Dutch

Other MSPs have voiced anger over the proposal, suggesting that the plan could go down like a Czech in the penalty box during injury-time.

“I’m proud to be a Scottish Conservative and Unionist, and especially proud of being an infuriated fan of our national football team,” argued MSP Ruth Davidson.

“A ban on Dutch match officials will give us one less set of people to blame the next time we fail to qualify for a major tournament – which is only two years away.”

“No-one will be happier with the idea than Alex Salmond, who is already the master of redirecting public anger over football towards keeping the other UK parties out of Holyrood.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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Re: The Auld Firm

Postby 27 » Thu Feb 16, 2012 9:12 am

Scottish football breaks laws of physics by becoming even more predictable

Scottish football has broken all known laws of physics by becoming even more predictable due to Rangers’ 10 point deduction for entering administration.

Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle states that whilst it is possible to know that the Old Firm will definitely always be the top two in the Scottish Premier League, there is a fundamental limit with which the accuracy of their final positions can be predicted, but that law is now being questioned.

Glaswegian Jim Burns said, “We thought it was like that experiment with the cat in the box. You knew it was going to be Rangers or Celtic, but you didn’t know till the end of the season.

“Quantum effects, isnae?”

Fellow Glaswegian Jake McKay said, “It was like the speed of light – nothing could break through that predictability barrier of being able to say that either Celtic or Rangers would be champions with the other one coming second, but not being able to say exactly which way round it would be.

“But with Rangers getting a 10 point deduction, that means it’s definitely going to be a one-two of Celtic then Rangers this season, as opposed to either Celtic then Rangers, or Rangers then Celtic.

“I didn’t realise the SPL could get even more predictable. My head’s spinning.

“Though that could just be the Buckfast I had for breakfast.”

Physicists at CERN in Geneva are frantically studying sub-atomic particles to find out what has happened.

Professor Michael Thompson said, “We’re looking for the mythical particle that governs all life in Scotland: the Greggs boson”.

Rangers still have a comfortable nine-point cushion over third-placed Motherwell though.

“Don’t worry”, said Thompson, “Rangers will still come second. If anyone else ended up in the top two I think the universe would end.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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Posts: 1929
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Re: The Auld Firm

Postby 27 » Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:22 pm

Scottish premier league gearing up for the closest one horse race in years

Scottish football fans up and down an increasingly small area of Scotland are eagerly anticipating the start of the new SPL season and an incredibly close title race where hot favourites Celtic take on themselves.

Following Rangers demotion to playing in somebodies back garden, Celtic are forced to look over their shoulders at a new set of rivals keen to stamp their mark on a league historically dominated by the Old Firm.

One Celtic fan when asked on his thoughts as to who would win the league showed us his mortgage papers.

“I took out a wee second mortgage on us winning the league this year. Well that was the intention, but I ended up spending it all on crack and a new knife.”

“I’d eat my hat on us taking the title, but I already had the wee thing for breakfast, so I’ll steal one later and eat that, just to prove me point.”

Scottish football officials were considering changing the format of the second half of the season to introduce a little ‘competition’.

Traditionally the league splits in two creating two mini leagues, but this year they contemplated a change where the bottom eleven teams play each other and Celtic play themselves each week in a variation of the old firm derby.

An insider at Celtic Park said, “The boys are really motivated for the new season and are doing everything in their power to make sure they finish at least 70 points ahead of their nearest rivals.”

“Training? No there’s no formal training per se this season.”

“In fact I’ve just got a text saying they’ve left pizza hut and are on their way to a strip club. Should be a good season.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?


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