SUPER MARIO

This is the place to support the 'reds', the 'blues', the Brits - or anything football related.
User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 8:13 pm

Mario Balotelli Says: Rio Ferdinand Doesn’t Know How To Celebrate!



Why can’t people make up their minds? – Mario Balotelli asks.

No matter what I do, the fans are never happy.

They are upset when Mario Balotelli uses too much of his super-human strength and gets red carded for crushing puny Russian opponents. When that happens, Mario Balotelli is blamed for City losing. Then, they are angry when I hold back and play so gently that the referee can only show Mario Balotelli a yellow card. They are ungrateful. They do not say, ‘Hurrah, Mario! We won because You are such a sportsman!’

They are upset in Italy when I throw the Inter strip on the ground in disgust. They say that I do not respect the shirt. Then, they are upset in England because I kiss the badge after we win the FA Cup Semi-Final. They say I should only do that for City’s fans, not United’s.

This confuses Mario Balotelli. Everyone at the club has been talking to me. Roberto Mancini says I must show restraint. Patrick-something says I must be respectful. Gary Cook says I must be an ambassador for the club. Nigel de Jong screams that I must drop kick everyone into next year, but then Mr. Cook comes back and takes him away, whispering softly to him that he’s forgotten to take his medication again.

Mario Balotelli gave all this advice careful thought before the big game against United. Mario Balotelli had his personal assistant look up the word ambassador. Apparently, My personal assistant has an iPhone with G4 where his brain should be, because he just rolled his eyes up inside his head exactly like the little thing on My iPad which means ‘one moment, loading’, and, when the page was found, told Mario Balotelli that an ambassador is someone who represents the club, tells everyone how wonderful it is and spreads Good Will wherever he goes.

Mario Balotelli liked that. Mario Balotelli even thought that He would make the perfect goodwill ambassador for Man City. But when we won the match and I kissed the badge in front of the United supporters, everyone was very upset. The fans were angry and shouted some words that I bet even Wayne Rooney doesn’t know.

Then, Rio Ferdinand and Anderson came and screamed at Mario Balotelli, trying to stop Me from spreading Good Will and showing their fans how wonderful Man City is. They were very angry. They said that Mario Balotelli should only do these things in front of City fans. That doesn’t make any sense. Man City fans already know how wonderful Man City is. How can Mario Balotelli spread Good Will if he does not preach to the uneducated masses?


How could any of you not want to be Mario Balotelli?
When I told Rio that I was only trying to spread Good Will, he told Me to meet him out on the street so that he could show Mario Balotelli some Good Will. But then, he became even angrier when I winked at him. Mario Balotelli doesn’t understand. I only wanted Rio to know that I appreciated the offer of help. Being an ambassador is much more difficult than Mario Balotelli thought.

Luckily, Mancini came over just then, to calm things down. So did Edwin van der Sar. He is such a nice man for a goalkeeper. Mario Balotelli’s personal assistant read to him the comments that van der Sar made about my ambassadoring afterwards.

“I think [Balotelli] misunderstood which side of the stadium he had to go to so he could thank the supporters. Maybe in Italy they do things differently, but let’s just talk about the football.”

My personal assistant also read to me that Mancini had said he might put me in jail for celebrating in front of the United supporters.

I told Patrick-something what the nice van der Sar said about Mario Balotelli and asked him if Mancini would really put Mario Balotelli in the clink? Patrick-something shook his head and asked Mario Balotelli if I didn't recognise sarcasm when I heard it? Then he told me not to mind, that it was a stupid question.

Strangely, he took me by the shoulder and told me not to worry about Rio and United. He said that they were all talk, that Mario Balotelli hadn’t done anything wrong. He said United used to have a very crazy player named Red Neville, who, when he wasn't eating goal scorers for breakfast, would run down to the Kop end and spread Good Will like nobody’s business whenever United scored.

Mario Balotelli doesn’t like the sound of eating goal scorers for breakfast. I need help learning how to spread Good Will but it will take more courage than Mario Balotelli has to ask Red Neville to teach me his secrets. Patrick-something is very brave. I asked him if he would go with Mario Balotelli to talk to Red Neville. He just choked on his Perrier and muttered something about Mario Balotelli understanding sarcasm after all, as he went off to his cot in Mancini’s office.


Red Neville seems much nicer than Patrick-something made him sound. Perhaps too nice.
So, Mario Balotelli put thoughts of Red Neville aside and asked his personal assistant to look up the definition of sarcasm. Mario Balotelli may have been wrong about My personal assistant’s brain. His eyes rolled up in his head for so long, that it must only be G3. Finally, he told me that sarcasm was when people said the opposite of what they meant to make a joke.

Mario Balotelli had to think very hard about this but now I understand. It explains what My girl friends mean when they giggle and say no but later do what Mario Balotelli asks. It also means that Rio wasn’t going to help me spread Good Will. That wasn’t a very funny joke.

Also, Mario Balotelli now understands that van der Sar knew that I was at the right end but was trying to trick Me so that I wouldn’t steal away United’s fans! He is a very clever goal keeper Those are the worst kind.

But best of all, it means that Mancini is not going to throw Mario Balotelli in jail. I must go to him now, though, while the idea is still fresh in his mind. Perhaps, if Mario Balotelli spreads all the Good Will He can, Mancini will speak to the government and arrange for Mario Balotelli to tour a women’s prison! They wouldn’t let Mario Balotelli do that in Italy but Mario Balotelli didn’t understand about Good Will back then.

When he agrees, Mario Balotelli will show Mancini just what it means to be a Good Will ambassador!
:lol: :lol: :lol:



27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
Phil(Quassie)Baldwin
Site Admin
Posts: 4796
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2004 5:28 pm
Service Details: Joined the regiment from training Sept 70 joined B.Sqn Nov 70 in Hong Kong D Sqn in 77 Hq in 82 left in 92
Real Name: Phil Baldwin
Location: Carshalton London
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 7 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby Phil(Quassie)Baldwin » Wed Apr 20, 2011 6:43 am

Nice one Tony I need somehing o send me to sleep when I get into work
Phil
Je n'oublierai pas

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:35 am

Here we go Phil the other side of Super Mario :D :D :D

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... omment-rig


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:40 pm

Taken from today's sun

There was one flaw in the argument that Mario Balotelli had 'kissed the badge' in front of Manchester United fans at Wembley. :? :? :? Hadn't they all left the stadium by then. :?: :?: :?: :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Sun Oct 23, 2011 5:15 am

He's only warming up for todays game :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://menmedia.co.uk/manchesterevening ... shire-home


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:47 pm

Just thought I would add this story about Mario which seems to have evaded the press, when he was at training a boy asked for his autograph Mario asked why he was not at school to which the boys mother replied he gets bullied. Mario then took the boy and his mother in his car to his school where he took him to the headmaster and explained what was going on. He also had a harsh word with the bully needless to say the boy is back at school and the bullying has stopped. Very strange that all you hear are negative stories about him another time he came out of a casino and gave a beggar £1,000 so think about these two instances next time you here something bad about him .

PS: It wasn't him that let the firework off hence the why always me slogan after his opening goal against Man Urinals.


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Tue Jan 03, 2012 9:51 am

Smoking Mario Balotelli safe from Roberto Mancini beating

SUPER MARIO LIGHTING CIG IN BATHROOM.jpg
SUPER MARIO LIGHTING CIG IN BATHROOM.jpg (40.88 KiB) Viewed 4018 times



Even though Mario Balotelli has said that his manager at both Inter and Manchester City, Roberto Mancini, is like a father to him, the two are not actually related by blood or law. And as it turns out, that's good news for Mario.

When asked about Balotelli being photographed smoking cigarettes on numerous occasions, Mancini defined his boundaries when it comes to kicking people.

"Yeah, yeah I know this," Mancini said when the player's habit was put to him. "I know that he smokes, yes. If he was my son I would give him a kick up the arse! But he is not my son. I told him that it is better you don't smoke. I am against cigarettes always and for this reason my son doesn't smoke. There are players who smoke in Italy and I think also here. I don't think he smokes a lot — five or six a day."

Well, inhaling one smoking bathroom has to be equal to a few hundred cigarettes, so I think that estimate is off a bit. But if Roberto's actual son is ever caught smoking, I'm sure Mario will appear out of thin air and rescue him from his kicking father before speeding off with Mancini Jr. in his Maserati with cash money billowing out of the tailpipe for strangers to gleefully collect. :lol: :lol: :lol:


27
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:39 pm

HERE'S MARIO.jpg
HERE'S MARIO.jpg (19.28 KiB) Viewed 3958 times


:lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:58 am

I’m going to set up my own league and none of you can play in it, warns Balotelli

Manchester City’s controversial striker Mario Balotelli has warned that he will leave England and set up his own league that no-one else can play in if people don’t stop telling him off.

Balotelli, who is facing a four-match ban after being charged by the Football Association with violent conduct, claims the new league will be much better than the Premier League, and all the other clubs will definitely be begging him to let them join.

Balotelli’s agent, Mino Raiola, confirmed that Balotelli had fallen asleep in front of CBeebies, but that the fiery Italian would elaborate on the details of the new league as soon as he’d had his mid-morning snack and juice.

“Mario worked himself up into a right state last night,” he revealed.

“I had to carry him around, gently jigging him up and down for over an hour before he finally got off.”

“Thank God for Calpol!”

“Seriously though, if I never hear ‘Row, Row, Row, Your Boat’ again it’ll be too soon”

The former Inter Milan player, who has issues with being told ‘no’, has been sent off three times since his move, and was unable to continue in a game against Dynamo Kiev when he suffered a crusha milkshake allergy.

Man City first-team coach David Platt said that Balotelli had a tendency to get over-tired and this could lead to confrontations, but he added that referees could take measures to diffuse situations.

“Rather than pull out a red card, referees could pull out his favourite teddy, snuggles.” he said :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

User avatar
27
Posts: 1911
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:37 pm
Service Details: Jan 75 -- Aug 87 Herford Cyprus Bovington Hohne NI Catterick
Real Name: Tony Woods
Location: openshaw manchester
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby 27 » Thu May 31, 2012 11:37 am

‘Balotelli definitely more intelligenter than average peoples’ claims Balotelli

Manchester City and Italy footballer Mario Balotelli has claimed in a recent interview that he is in fact a genius, despite all evidence pointing to him actually being a deluded simpleton.

A series of high profile incidents have seen the striker struggle for several minutes with the complicated tasks of putting a training bib on, throwing darts at youth team players, and set fire to his bathroom by setting off fireworks indoors.

However Balotelli continues to insist that he is definitely a genius.

“A lot of us geniussers have the occasional problem what less clever people can’t really relate to.” said the man affectionately known as Super Mario, while drooling slightly.

“Besides, putting a bib on is harder than it looks. Everybody says that Stephen Hawking is a genius because he knows about space and stuff, but at a recent Mensa meeting I gave him a bib to put on for a 5-a-side game and he was hopeless.”

“He had to get somebody to put it on for him in the end, it was all a bit embarrassing.”

Balotelli then reminded everybody just how much money he earns, pointing to this as evidence of his genius.

“I’m rich, so I must be clever. If other people were all more cleverer than me then why don’t they earn as much as me?”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a Mensa party to go to where we’re going to going to light a campfire and throw petrol cans on top of it.”

“We’re having it in a shed just in case it rains, because that’s the sort of thing you think of when you’re a genius.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

Paul Keller
Posts: 2858
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 1:56 pm
Service Details: Hohne Nov '78 till June '85, Catterick June '85 till June '87, with six months Belize, March '86 till Sept '86.
Sennelager, June 87 till March '88, March '88 till Oct '90,
Real Name: Paul Keller
Location: Westhoughton
Been thanked: 5 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby Paul Keller » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:04 pm

Mr Woods sir !
Super Mario ???
Super Pratio !!
Open net against the "Fat Spanish waiters" and he wanted a whole millenium to tee it up !!!!
Looked a right banana !! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

User avatar
Phil(Quassie)Baldwin
Site Admin
Posts: 4796
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2004 5:28 pm
Service Details: Joined the regiment from training Sept 70 joined B.Sqn Nov 70 in Hong Kong D Sqn in 77 Hq in 82 left in 92
Real Name: Phil Baldwin
Location: Carshalton London
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 7 times
Contact:

Re: SUPER MARIO

Postby Phil(Quassie)Baldwin » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:19 pm

Is that seam in his head where they removed his brain
Phil
Je n'oublierai pas


Return to “Soccer”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests



Adverts will never appear above this line.
Ignore them by all means, but using them might contribute to the cost of hosting this website.



Noah's Arc - 14th/20th King's... at easyfundraising.org.uk