NEW ANFIELD TO BE NAMED THE ‘DIPPER DOME’
In astonishing news that will shock and anger the red half of Merseyside we can exclusively reveal that Liverpool’s new owners, Fenway Sports group, have reached a tentative agreement with frozen food giants Birds Eye over the possible naming rights to their new stadium, if indeed they do decide to uproot from Anfield.
Managing Director Ian Ayre revealed to BBC Sport this week that, should the club seek pastures new, they are open to the idea of seeking out a commercial partner to help fund the costly exercise. Ideally this will come in the form of offering naming rights to the club’s swanky new stadium.
However, the Cutter understands that an agreement is already secretly in place, with the company that sells a multitude of luminous orange fish fingers and burgers that have the texture of Play-doh.
Worse yet for proud Liverpudlians the name currently being discussed is the alliterative, but morally dubious, ‘Dipper Dome’, in reference to the companies popular chicken dippers product.
Gavin Parsons, a regional sales director for Birds Eye, was initially cagey when we sought confirmation but did divulge that, ‘over half of our national sales for chicken dippers are in the Merseyside area. They can’t get enough of them up there. So it makes sense to capitalise upon that. We can hardly call the ground after our Healthy Options range can we? That would just sound like we were taking the piss.’
It is not yet known whether personnel high up at the club are aware of the ramifications, and outrage, the new stadium name will cause amongst locals due to the word ‘dipper’ having a long-standing negative connotation for the cities residents.
For some rival supporters the derogatory term ‘bin dipper’ is used to imply that folk who derive from Liverpool regularly forage in recycling containers for food, clothing, and potential Christmas presents for their off-spring.
Even, in some instance, in a desperate search for mating partners.
We contacted the club but they understandably declined to comment. However our source within the corridors of power at Anfield did wish to pour cold water over some malicious rumours he’d been made aware of.
‘Under no circumstances will the new place be called the San Giro Stadium. Nor the Aldi Arena. Or indeed the De Do Do Don’t De Dome’